After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
