its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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