okay pat passed out under dana's car
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
