Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
