it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize