She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
