I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
