Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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