I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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