operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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