I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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