A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize