you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
