Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
