Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
