He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize