Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
