I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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