maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize