In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
