Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
