sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
