They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
