accomplished twins. life is a go
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
