Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
