is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize