The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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