im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
