My first STD was from a foam party
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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