It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize