he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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