You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
