this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
