Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The uberlube is also flammable
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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