we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
