watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
