Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
