Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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