I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
