She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
