You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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