i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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