get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
