Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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