he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
