Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
