I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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