If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
