Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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