Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
