every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
