Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
