my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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