Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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