he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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