her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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