There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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