I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
