if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
