she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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