we made out on top of his cat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
