hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
