I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize