i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
