6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize