I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
