if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
