weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
