Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
