So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
