In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
