my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
