Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
