did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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