so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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