im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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