Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are we still banned from the library?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
