I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I just put wine in my tea
this hospital has no fireball
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
