pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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