question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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