hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
