I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
