Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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