her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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