Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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