I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
