Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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