fuck your aforementioned shoe
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
