I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
