I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
