tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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