woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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