Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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