If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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