There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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