cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
