Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
